US Presidents continue to be stripped from school names

History has simply overwhelmed up Washington, Lincoln and Jefferson. Bad boys. Bad karma. Bad politics.

So no extra colleges named of their honor. Fee fie fo fooey on Washington, whom Jeff Daniels immortalized, Lincoln, who was inhabited by Daniel Day-Lewis, and Jefferson, whom Sam Waterston reincarnated. Poo on them. Racists. In the pursuits of mankind (womankind? genderkind?).

I’ve now delved deep into stated scoundrels to study of presidentkind. And how else our presidents have loused up America — or, slightly, how loused up have been they. Unlike Biden, not all had fabulous kinfolk. Andrew Johnson’s son Charles was a giant drinker. Son Andrew Jr. so heavy on booze that he knocked himself no longer alive in his 20s. Third son Robert fell deep into combined drinks. What he combined them with was hookers. Oenophile Jefferson inhaled a minimal three glasses a day, grew his personal grapes at Monticello, and ended up broke as a result of he purchased 20,000 bottles of the stuff — a few of which could even have exceeded the fun of Manischewitz. It’s no marvel the school blew him off.

Ulysses Grant. A tippler. Maybe only for the energy to overcome the primary identify Ulysses. Imagine his heated spouse murmuring, “Oh, go Ulysses, go . . .” In early days, he served on obligation in an Army camp whereas stoned and acquired thrown out.LBJ. Hard stuff. Could’ve even been shellac. He sipped it straight proper out of a cardboard cup.

Father of our nation Washington blew 10 p.c of his earnings on liquor. Every freaking breakfast my namesake John Adams inhaled his oatmeal with a shot of arduous cider. Sometimes he switched to beer. Also Harry S. Truman. Up 5 a.m., his morning juice was bourbon. He topped it off at cocktail hour. 

Let’s not omit the kin

Besides businessman son and businessman brother, hidin’ Biden wasn’t the one one slidin’ with household issues. Clinton’s half-brother Roger? Did jail for cocaine? Then arrested for DUI? Caused Bill extra anguish — with much less pleasure — than Monica did? Forget the previous prior ex earlier as soon as upon a title zero nothing Prince Harry. Just think about Theodore Roosevelt’s charming baby Alice. Smoked in public, wager with a bookie, flirted with gents, and had a giant mouth. Alice made me-me-Meghan come off like Mother Teresa. We had James Madison within the War of 1812 and in whose honor we now have the boarded-up Madison Avenue. Jimmy, unsociable, unfriendly, had a awful stepson. This John was a gambler, a disturber of the peace, jailed for assault, and in debt. Can’t name him a ache within the ass as a result of President Madison himself was significantly bothered with hemorrhoids.

Thus, one as refined as myself will chorus from that.Jimmy Carter’s brother Billy. Allegedly, beer consumption was as soon as his life’s work. Not allegedly, he truly was taken in for publicly peeing in Atlanta’s airport, which some folks thought-about impolite. Also his pastime was being a paid lobbyist for Khadafy. Listen, possibly that profession is only a requirement for a chief of state’s household. —

Hiccups

Franklin Pierce? About whom no person besides possibly a liquor supplier remembers. Big-time severe extreme fall-down drunk. Nice President Pierce was an alcoholic.

Opponents referred to as him “a hero of many a well-fought bottle.” Alcohol gained. After somewhat passing out he handed on.Hard stuff brings up schmoozer and boozer Chester Arthur. Ate quite a bit, drank quite a bit, dressed quite a bit, labored little. Lapping liquor appears to be an Oval Office ­requirement. FDR by no means met a martini he did not like, and Nixon blotted up wine.

Lincoln tippled, by no means stumbled, and stated of fall-down drunks: “I imagine, if we take recurring drunkards as a category, their heads and their hearts will bear an advantageous comparability with these of every other class.”What meaning, who is aware of? But, class, in the present day’s query is: What about Lincoln Bedroom, Lincoln Memorial, Lincoln automobile, Lincoln Tunnel, Lincoln Park, Lincoln Square. Might they now all go the way in which of the Lincoln penny? 

We acquired JFK Airport. Washington Heights. Roosevelt Island. Clinton Street. Me, I’m ready for Madison Avenue to be renamed Biden Boulevard. Perfect. It’s a one-way road.

Only in New York, youngsters, solely in New York.

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