‘Guys have feelings too’: North Shields dad launches website to support men with baby loss trauma

A dad from North Shields has channelled his grief of shedding his unborn youngster into supporting different men by means of miscarriage.

After listening to their baby’s heartbeat for the primary time at a personal scan. Chris Whitfield and his spouse Jade, 31, had been excited to have their first youngster collectively.

But when Jade started to have again pains and spot blood, the loving couple began to concern for the worst.

At her 12 week scan, the midwife could not discover a heartbeat and their world got here crashing down.

And after an extra 14 days, a check confirmed that their worst nightmare had come true.

Jade, who was alone as Covid restrictions did not enable Chris to be by her aspect, acquired the devastating information that she had suffered a miscarriage.

Chris Whitfield pictured with his spouse Jade and his daughter Emily, 12, from his earlier relationship

Chris, 34, mentioned: “When you see these blue traces on a being pregnant check that is the place the thrill begins and you intend for the following steps.

“At the scan once they advised us that they could not discover a heartbeat we knew right away that we had misplaced our baby.

“There’s by no means a pleasant time for a miscarriage to occur however with it taking place throughout the pandemic as properly, it makes issues loads worse.

“You usually go to hospital appointments with your companion however Jade had to undergo the agony herself to discover out she had a miscarriage.

“Because of the legislation, you have to wait two weeks after signs show to affirm you have miscarried however it makes it troublesome as you already know what’s taking place however you have to wait two weeks till it is confirmed.”

After strolling out of the hospital’s doorways, Chris felt like they had been left to get on with it and didn’t know the place to flip.

From dreading telling his household to giving the whole lot he may to support his spouse, he struggled to cope with going through up to the trauma of shedding his baby himself.

So Chris went on-line to discover if there was something on the market, the place he may converse to men who additionally confronted miscarriage to acquire a support community to see how they coped.

But to Chris’s shock, he could not discover something.

He added: “It was a rollercoaster of feelings, you do not know what is going on on, you have to clarify to your loved ones and mates who you’ve got simply advised you are pregnant, it would not develop into tougher than that.

“My initially precedence was ensuring my spouse was alright as a result of she was going by means of it mentally and bodily. That was the massive factor for me.

“The support community for girls is nice, there are improbable charities on the market which are good at what they do however numerous support akin to reminiscence bins appear extra tailor-made for girls.

“It’s unusual folks at all times use the phrase once they discovered somebody had a miscarriage is “how is your spouse or companion” and do not ask about your feelings that’s one the important thing issues.

“What I wished to do was converse to individuals who had been in the identical mindset as I used to be and I could not discover that wherever.”

The DFDS operations supervisor channelled his grief into serving to support different men by means of miscarriage.

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After watching a Youtube video on how to arrange a website, he launched his website Miscarriage for Men on March 7.

Miscarriage for Men is a peer to peer support community platform the place men who have skilled miscarriage, use their expertise and coping mechanism to support others and may provide hyperlinks to charities with skilled assist.

And since his website began, it has reached over 600,000 views and Chris has answered 1000 direct messages from throughout the globe.

Chirs added: “There’s an actual stigma round how miscarriage is dealt with over the previous few weeks. Talking to folks I’ve discovered that numerous work corporations do not perceive what they’re going by means of, however fortunately I used to be fortunate that my employer understood.

“I feel that one of many issues we lack on the whole is a way of understanding round what is going on on with a miscarriage. The entire dialog of miscarriage may be very taboo.

“Guys have feelings as properly. We have poisonous masculinity that we have to be robust and to get on with issues.

“I need to change that and let folks know it’s okay to speak about it and we do not have to bottle the whole lot up.”

To get support from Miscarriage for Men observe this link.

supply: https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/information/north-east-news/miscarriage-for-men-support-newcastle-20580137


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